Monday, 20 July 2009

• Currently Epiphany: The Best of Chaka Khan, Vol. 1 By Chaka Khan Through the Fire see related

  40 Days and 40 Nights...Day 1

  It has been a minute since I've been up on here. I've moved to a whole new city/state and everything. I remember when Xanga used to be the spot and I could always read some interesting personal thoughts here, as well as share my own. I figured I'd get back on here as a way to chart my progress as I seek peace and clarity in my life. I've recently felt like people live to much of their lives out on the internet, but I think this public processing of my journey will create some accountability within myself. I also hope that in some way my struggles and lessons learned can be of some benefit to others. I whole-heartedly believe in sharing your experiences and stories with others. You never know when you could be the person to say the right thing to the right person. This journaling is going to be hard. First, my commitment to writing comes and goes like the ocean's tide. Second, this process will force me to be honest with myself and others about things that I don't like, don't understand, have fears about, and wish were different. I also know that some things I say may not be to the liking of others and given this is a very public forum there may be some backlash from this. However, I trust that in the end it will all be to the benefit of myself and will ultimately improve the things I have to offer the world.

   

  Now, on to 40 days and 40 nights. There is a good amount of symbolism to 40 days and 40 nights. I won't go into much of it because I feel like it's only relevant as it regards the length of time I have committed to this plan. The ultimate goal of it all is that I will have more self-control at the end of it all. For about the past 3 years I've felt that my life has not gone in the direction that I would like it to. While I have achieved relative success as it regards my academic and professional lives, my personal well-being has suffered tremendously. Much of this suffering has been kept from public view. However, anyone who has paid close attention will have noticed bits and pieces emerging. I've been angry and irritable more than ever before. I've had some health issues that I believe could have been avoided. I've drank a good bit at times and I've smoked more than I care to admit. Sometimes I drive like a maniac because it's a good way to relieve some stress. Dangerous, but helpful. At leat at that time. This list goes on and on. I will at some point attempt to dissect and analyze these events and many more, but not today. This post is just to say I have a lot of things to work on in my life. This is just a beginning. Will this be a perfect process?? Absolutely not. But I'm going to be as good as I can possibly be. Tomorrow I will talk about my smoking. I think it's a perfect place to begin. It'll probably be a private post, but I'll get some things out. Until then...  

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